A Fading Prince
by shukuchi
Summary: A few scenes depicting the solitude of princes. Please R&R!
1. I'll Remember You

A Fading Prince

By shukuchi

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None of the Utena characters belong to me....

I actually started this fanfic at least a year ago, but only went back and finished it a few days ago.

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I'll admit that it's pitiful when your whole life revolves around one person, but that's never stopped the love-struck.  
  
Even if they aren't loved back.  
  
I'll admit it's ironic, and even be the first one to do so. Touga Kiryuu, the playboy who can have any girl he wants except the girl he wants. Really pointless, but it's true. So here I am, sitting in a church without benches and too empty for ghosts. Here I am, sitting back and thinking of that first day.  
  
She didn't want to leave that coffin. Anyone else would have dragged her out nonetheless and told her relatives they found her. But I saw that pink- haired princess and understood: it'd take a miracle to get her out willingly. I saw her fragileness and knew that if she were removed otherwise, it'd completely break her.  
  
Why do we keep on living if we're just going to die someday? I didn't know the answer then, and it sealed me in my own coffin to hear the question. The feeling of that hair as soft as innocence stayed with me despite it all, and no matter how many years passed, I still remembered. And my coffin closed tighter, leaving me alone in darkness with only a memory to hold on.  
  
How fitting, it's happened again.  
  
............................................................................ ..........................................................  
  
Akio saved Utena from her coffin like I couldn't. Then he gained her love like it was just a trinket. He loved torturing me with both, but I owed him everything I had for saving my only princess. That's why I never had a chance at being her prince: when it mattered most, I did nothing.  
  
Nothing.  
  
In the end, I'm just a washed up knight who likes to play at chivalry. Who will do anything to get what they want, no matter whom it hurts. At least I'm persistent.  
  
And loyal. That's what separates me from Akio. He cared about Utena, or once she had won that last duel against me, he would have taken her sword and let her live only long enough to see if it worked, then stabbed her with whatever was left of it. I knew what would happen in the last duel.  
  
And I still didn't tell her. I told her I couldn't, but there was still the hope that she'd realize for herself. Realize that he wasn't her prince....that word which describes something I'll never be...  
  
But he is. Akio is her prince, and every day, she forgets Dios more and more. Until, one day, there will be nothing left of the prince who used the last of his energy to save her.  
  
Nothing. His power will belong to that darker self, and all memories forgotten. I know that Akio, or Anthy by his orders, can make that happen. I know that Nemuro Hall was once alive, shadowed in darkness, though every memory of it is gone.  
  
Do we really still exist if no one knows we do? The theory "I think, therefore I am" is usually flawless, but in Ohtori, many things still imagine that have ceased to be. Do i still exist? Is it really me who is here? Every day, those questions become more and more desperate in my mind, as who I once was and now pretend to be slips further and further away.  
  
Utena... Please don't turn away from me. Please realize that I'd rather be with you than anywhere else. Please, just know that I'm here.  
  
You may be the only one that still does.  
  
I'd like to make one promise before the final duel ends, though your ears may not hear me give it: I will remember you, no matter how much Akio or Anthy tries to take that away. You'll always be in my heart.  
  
And in that way I will save you, from nothingness, and maybe finally become your prince.  
  
Even as I am forgotten and fade away.


	2. I'll Always Save Them

_I want to be a prince, who can save the whole world from sadness. I want a world where no one dies and no one grieves. Will you give me that much?  
_  
You would die for those princesses, but you'll never understand. They must grow on their own! Otherwise, all will be unchanging, until you die. The world will then die as well. Do you want that?  
  
_I... No. I want them all to live, and be happy. Can't you hear the cries? Their pain... I can't ignore it! They need help!  
_  
They need freedom, to make good and bad decisions. That is how life must be, or else they will never be alive. A million mirrors! Is that what you want? All reflecting only one thing, there will be nothing but princesses, because no one will have a chance to be greater than that!  
  
_Greater? Those princesses are all perfect. Their beautiful hearts outshine the stars! What has there ever been that was greater than a million princesses, all lovely, noble and-  
_  
-And weak. I ask for you to give up your care of them so they can grow stronger. That is nature's law, and how you can find the truly great. They are the strong, who live with their own will, despite what anyone may try to force them to become! You are one of those; would you not like to meet others similar to yourself?  
  
_I... am one of those you spoke of. You know that, and should also realize that I will thus not allow you to "force me to become" anything but what I am. I am a prince. I will never change_.  
  
You could never understand. You see yourself as strong and noble, but you're really just another mirror. You reflect all the light in the world, until any that gaze at you forget that there is anything else. That is the way you'll be forever. Are you happy?  
  
_I will not let anything hurt my princesses. I don't care other than that; let me die if it would save them.  
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Who would help them after your death? Just take a break from the saving; more will be rescued if you do.  
  
_But... I can't just refuse those who hurt now, just because they got in trouble at the wrong time! It would make everything I've worked for up until now a waste!  
  
_Maybe it is. Maybe living as you do is useless.  
  
_Why? We used to be the same, why are you like this now?  
_  
Because I made a promise to myself, one which matters more than any of your "high ideals".  
  
_What could be more important than them?!  
_  
Allowing the world to grow, to hatch from the egg where you have kept it snug these many long years. It must learn to fly. And to allow that to happen,   
  
I will, no, I must revolutionize the world. 


	3. I'll Stay In The Castle

Okay, this is a strange little poem from Dios to Utena written because the soundtrack to Adolescence was inspiring me. Don't expect it to make much sense, but please review anyways.

Sometimes I look into your eyes

And for a moment, the darkness is gone

But you don't see me-

No one does.

Look beyond the illusion,

A new world's waiting there.

A world where you don't have to be dead,

But that's no longer an option.

You've thrown me aside

In a search for shining princes.

Maybe I'm comforted by the castle,

Did you ever think of that?

You were the only princess

Who showed signs of something else.

I thank you for that,

But this is a comfy coffin,

The only time I can rest.

There are still many waiting,

Their love turning into hate,

Forgetting fond memories.

Once upon a time,

Ohtori wasn't a different world.

But they have forgotten this tiny little egg,

Too afraid to hatch.

I don't want you condemned to that,

So leave.

I don't need to be saved,

Do you know what?

Roses require so much care.

Maybe it's time I let the plants grow for themselves,

And bloom into untamable weeds

That never would need my help.

I'll rest in this castle,

And ask you to forget

Who I am.

A memory held this long....

Do you know why I'm not a prince?

Because I'm relieved to be in this castle.

It's the only time I can rest...


End file.
